Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Christmas Lies Pinterest Has Told Me

It's that time of year! The time when I start to feel like I should be doing something more, in order to make the Christmas season Magical and Special for my children. If we are not making PRECIOUS MEMORIES, I am doing something wrong. So I turn to Pinterest for inspiration.

Here's the problem. Pinterest is like this guy I dated in high school. He was pretty and interesting, but he lied to me and made me feel bad about myself. Ultimately, he was a big waste of time.

Nobody wants That Guy around during the holidays, but I still can't manage to tear myself away from festive pins. But the pins LIE, people. They lie. Here are some of the most egregious falsehoods that Pinterest has told me about Christmas.





1) You Should Make Your Own Christmas Cards

Lie:
Your Christmas cards should feature adorable photos of your children, wrapped in Christmas lights or popping gleefully out of festive boxes.

Truth:
If you try this, you will get 1000 photos of your kids crying or making weird faces. If you get one of them looking mostly normal, it will cost $200 to get it printed for all your Christmas cards, and then you won't be able to afford presents. No one wins.



2) Advent Calendars are Fun for Kids

Lie:
You should make an advent calendar, and then give your kids a small gift every day in December. It’s a fun-filled Christmas countdown!

Truth:
Buying 24 small presents for your kids will make you so, so tired. Then your kids will open ALL of them on the first of December, and you will cry.



3) You Should Buy an Elf on the Shelf

Lie:
This elf doll will make your kids believe in magic as it mysteriously moves to a new location in your house every night!

Truth: 
Look at that thing. LOOK at its SMILE. It's clearly evil. You are already buying gifts and stocking stuffers, decorating your house, and making the season fucking merry. You don't have time for this shit.



4) You Should Feed Your Kids Christmas-Themed Food

Lie:
You should make pancakes in a Santa shape, and sandwiches in reindeer shapes! It’s festive and your kids will love it!

Truth:
Never, ever make your kids' food into fun shapes - it raises their expectations. It begins with a reindeer sandwich, and then next thing you know, they won't eat anything bread-shaped any more. They have a new standard, and suddenly ALL their food should be fun! It's a slippery slope, people.



5) Your Christmas is Not Good Enough

Lie:
Christmas needs baking! And DIY! Make all the things!

Truth:
If you love making stuff pretty, go for it. If you don't, fuck it. Your kids will not care if you don't DIY a single thing, and bakeries exist so that we don't have to bake.



Seeing Pinterest during the holidays is hard. His standards are insanely high, and he is a fucking liar. So if Pinterest at Christmas makes you feel inferior, don't worry. It's not you – it's him. 





2 comments :

  1. Pinterest at Christmas kills me! I am so not a DIY person! I buy all of my decorations!

    Danica

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm with you for the Elf on the Shelf - scary looking!

    ReplyDelete

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